Not Enough Butter for Your Bread

Today I had a miracle happen.

Some people know that I have been struggling with a lot of different issues on my plate lately. Personally, professionally, academically, every -ly you can think of has been taking me to task lately, and I've felt like I'm a certified failure in a lot of areas.

It comes from giving your all to EVERYTHING you do. No matter what. I've been trying to go at 150% with everything I attempt, and haven't been able to focus on any one thing, so everything suffers. Between my fiance, my dreams, my reality at work, and a haunting memory, I feel that I've been pulled in so many directions at the same time. To quote Bilbo, "I feel stretched, like butter scrapped across too much bread."

Lately, there have been many poignant reminders of a person that I shared my life with that ended very badly. It is a guilt that I have been carrying around for a long time. And unfortunately, the situation is such that I cannot reach out to talk to the source for many different reasons. So a guilt i shouldn't be carrying weighs heavily upon my heart, and tonight I was going to write to the source to resolve things. Hoping she might respond to this email when she hasn't to others.

As I was climbing the stairs to my apartment I was composing the email I would write to said memory, when I came across a letter from my Ofukuro. For those of you that don't know, Ofukuro is Japanese for Mom, ergo, Ofukuro is my Japanese mom. This is the woman that went all for broke for me when I first went to Japan, and through her influence has made everything happen since. Seeing a letter from her totally dashed every negative thought I have had or had been feeling lately. I ran upstairs and tore open the letter.

It was short, but it was filled with love, congratulatory sentiments regarding my upcoming nuptials with Kanako, and simple happiness. Folk, I have to say, this made my bloody month. It lifted my up in a time of darkness.

It just goes to show, I had been searching for something to lift my out of this funk I've been. To help me be a little less stressed about life. And something unasked for and unlooked for appeared. It reminds me, you don't always get what you want, but sometimes you do get what you need...