Not Enough Butter for Your Bread

Today I had a miracle happen.

Some people know that I have been struggling with a lot of different issues on my plate lately. Personally, professionally, academically, every -ly you can think of has been taking me to task lately, and I've felt like I'm a certified failure in a lot of areas.

It comes from giving your all to EVERYTHING you do. No matter what. I've been trying to go at 150% with everything I attempt, and haven't been able to focus on any one thing, so everything suffers. Between my fiance, my dreams, my reality at work, and a haunting memory, I feel that I've been pulled in so many directions at the same time. To quote Bilbo, "I feel stretched, like butter scrapped across too much bread."

Lately, there have been many poignant reminders of a person that I shared my life with that ended very badly. It is a guilt that I have been carrying around for a long time. And unfortunately, the situation is such that I cannot reach out to talk to the source for many different reasons. So a guilt i shouldn't be carrying weighs heavily upon my heart, and tonight I was going to write to the source to resolve things. Hoping she might respond to this email when she hasn't to others.

As I was climbing the stairs to my apartment I was composing the email I would write to said memory, when I came across a letter from my Ofukuro. For those of you that don't know, Ofukuro is Japanese for Mom, ergo, Ofukuro is my Japanese mom. This is the woman that went all for broke for me when I first went to Japan, and through her influence has made everything happen since. Seeing a letter from her totally dashed every negative thought I have had or had been feeling lately. I ran upstairs and tore open the letter.

It was short, but it was filled with love, congratulatory sentiments regarding my upcoming nuptials with Kanako, and simple happiness. Folk, I have to say, this made my bloody month. It lifted my up in a time of darkness.

It just goes to show, I had been searching for something to lift my out of this funk I've been. To help me be a little less stressed about life. And something unasked for and unlooked for appeared. It reminds me, you don't always get what you want, but sometimes you do get what you need...

Sometimes You Gotta Stop Praying and Just Get to Work

Yesterday morning I was browsing Facebook, and I came across a quote on a friend's page that said "A pair of hands engaged in hard work accomplish more than a billion hands clasped in prayer." That comment really hit home though I did have to rework it to the title of this post.

With my upcoming nuptials, a lot of things have been really concerning for me. Mostly how to be able to pay for visa and green card, plus wedding, plus grad school, plus move to NYC, etc etc. I have been very frustrated trying to get it all figured out. I was praying a lot (my own flavor of it at least), and trying really hard to stay positive. It wasn't working.

Then I read that quote. It was a like a lightning bolt straight to my brain. After reworking it to be more pertinent to myself, it served as a self-swift kick to the ass to get me going. I started downloading podcasts on the GMAT, and Stern Business School, and really decided to stop bellyaching and just get it done. My goal is to be an International Consultant and I've gotta really focus on it.

Then last night my buddy Victor called me out for a happy hour. I decided with a little reluctance to go, because I haven't seen the boys lately. While I'm there I happen to meet TWO SEPARATE PEOPLE that have connections in International Consulting. Major score.

My moral of this story is that prayer is great to provide comfort in times of hardship, but until YOU actually start doing something about the situation nothing is going to change. My situation hasn't been fixed by any means whatsoever, but I've been handed a set of directions to at least get me to the path.

Considering I know a lot of people that are unhappy with their particular situation right now, I've been hearing a lot of complaints and depressing stories. I didn't realize I was one of them. Time to change that. And that thought reminds of a quote from Gandhi. "Be the change you want to see in the world." I want my friends and loved ones to improve their lives, but the change isn't going to come from whatever flavor of super powered deity they turn to. It comes from within.

coffee and a hippopotamus bodyguard

Today was a nice and relaxing day. I had a relaxed morning, took a friend some coffee, and spent a lot of time thinking about things. One of the best things that really made my day was the look on my friends face when I showed up coffee in hand for a quick chat. It brought a really good feeling on and I started thinking that it's too bad that I can't make the whole giving thing a full time thing. But oh well. It did get me thinking on things, and when I got back home I started taking care of some business. After eating dinner, I popped in my roommates copy of the new BBC documentary of life. And the first disc had a segment on challenges in life, and it showcased some hippos. The hippos were battling it out over mating rights. I can only think of one word to describe it. EPIC.

The way those things were going at it, I was just amazed and thought how awesome would it be to get anthropomorphic. My first thought about these giant baddies was nature's sumo wrestlers. But as I was watching the epic unfold, I started imagining mafia dons sitting around a table, and juxtaposed a hippo's head with a body in a three peace suit. Then a dark hard, holding a hippo-sized glock. Thus the hippopotamus bodyguard was born.

Think about it. They're huge, have really bad tempers, and just don't give a damn. Now to get them into a story...

River

A man stood next to a river bank. His heart heavy with sorrow and regret. He sighed deeply, the sigh of a man that has known loss, heartbreak, and the joy that came before those tragedies is now not but a memory.

He watched the river flow around and over the rocks in the river. An inexorable force that would continue to flow. As he watched the river, he started to think about the river and it's path. It started high up in the mountains and flowed down towards the ocean. Many obstacles stood in the path of the river. Solid walls of rock would try to dam its path, mountains and hills would twist it.

But the river could not be stopped.

In some places, it would cut a path through solid rock, running deep and swift. In others it would grow shallow, its waters warmed by the gentle kiss of the sun. It would bring great change, wearing away the stone and in rocks in its path in some places, and by bringing life to others. And today, in one place, it would take the cares and sorrow of a broken man and wash them out to sea.

The man turned from the river, walking just a little straighter, and went back to work.